Saturday, March 13, 2010

* Dr. Oz Drops In

From Narcissism to Hypochondria: Dr. Oz

I have a couple of acres on a hillside in Vermont with a hundred mile view of New Hampshire. Three times over the last 18 years balloonists from the local balloon festivals have landed on my property: two balloons at once at one point. Most of the time I have not had a camera handy, but this time I did. ( and obviously its date is stuck on 01/01/2006 since there are no leaves on the trees in Vermont on 01/01!)

I call this series of shots The Wizard of Oz Drops In.

That is my segue to the fact that the TV show Dr. Oz drops in to my living room two or three times a week, depending on my channel surfing. Most of the time I think he is turning the already narcissistic nation into a nation of hypochondriacs. However, a few of his tips have changed my behavior and are actually easy to implement, so I list them here:

1. Eat sardines. (I can only gag down the kind sauteed in mustard)

2. Take TWO (not ONE ) 81 mm baby aspirins a day at different times of the day in case the stomach doesn't absorb them.

3. Take the second baby aspirin at 10 PM because most heart attacks occur in the morning.

4. Cut your multi-vitamin in half and take it at TWO times during the day for the same reason as # 2.

5. Use stairs, not elevators. (I also added the Canadian Royal Air Force Exercize Plan's suggestion 50 years ago: Walk UP stairs by TWOS to tighten buttocks muscles!)

6. Don't wear stretch pants: Let your clothes TELL you you are getting fat! (I cheat: I have two sets of pants; summer size is 2 inches smaller than winter size.)

7. Eat an apple every day (for fiber).

8. Eat blueberries every day for the brain.

9. Don't carry dollar bills in your wallet so you won't use vending machines. ( I fail at this but ONLY for diet coke!)

10. If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it: ingredients, that is! (I do examine ingredients more often with this in mind now. Thank heavens Ben and Jerry's passes this test!))

11. Chew your food twenty times. (This is boring. It turns eating into calisthenics, food into fodder. I do it grudgingly when I think of it, which probably spoils the karma and roils the stomach acids!)

12. Vacuum before 4 PM so the dust has time to settle before 10 PM bedtime.


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